Tending the Inner Garden
Self-Care and Self-Compassion with Chronic Pain: Transforming Self-Care from Surface Rituals to Soulful Reverence
There came a point in my chronic pain journey when I realized: I’d spent years tending to everyone but myself.
I knew how to push through, show up, and take care of others. But when pain made that impossible, I had to face something unfamiliar — the quiet invitation to tend to me.
Lately, I’ve been reflecting on the term “self-care” as it pertains to living with chronic pain. I've also been pondering the important distinction between “self-care” and “self-compassion,” and why understanding that difference matters so much.
While chronic pain manifests uniquely for each of us, I find it fascinating that so many of us share similar patterns: a tendency toward perfectionism, people-pleasing, prioritizing others' needs above our own, unconscious self-abandonment, overachieving, Type-A personalities, and a particularly feisty inner critic. Many of us became experts at powering through. I'm guessing that most of us hadn’t spent much time tending to our own needs before chronic pain made it unmistakably clear: it’s time to start.
While self-care is important for everyone, those of us living with pain are often encouraged to prioritize it even more intentionally — and for good reason. Ironically, our history of self-sacrifice, conditioned by culture or experience, can make the idea of self-care or self-compassion feel awkward, indulgent, or even selfish at first.
But what if we reframed it?
What if self-compassion became a sacred practice, infused with reverence?
What if tending to ourselves was viewed not as a luxury, but as an act of profound wisdom and love?
Today, the phrase "self-care" can seem so overused that its meaning sometimes feels diluted. Society and marketing often try to convince us that it’s as simple as buying a particular face mask or a new candle. (For the record: I love both face masks and scented candles!)
Still, true self-care runs much deeper.
It’s a practice we define for ourselves — led by reason, intuition, and our own creative design.
Each of us, if we ask ourselves honestly, knows where the tender, overlooked places inside us are. Developing rituals that consistently tend to these areas is essential as we navigate a life with chronic pain.
Let’s break this down a little further. Here are some of the ways I think about self-care in my own life:
My Personal Self-Care Practices:
🔅 Foundational Care - Prioritizing restful sleep (often challenging with pain), a nourishing diet, and movement/exercise that my body allows, in consultation with my medical team.
🔅 Personal Well-being - Good skincare, a haircut that makes me feel like myself, spending time with loved ones, and balancing rest with reasonable activity.
🔅 Financial Stewardship - Staying organized and attentive to my financial well-being.
🔅 Medical Maintenance - Keeping up with dentist appointments, medical check-ups, and preventive care.
🔅 Tending to All Aspects of Self - Recognizing the many dimensions of my being: creative, spiritual, emotional, social, physical, intellectual, and inquisitive.
🔅 Living Holistically - A harmonious balance: Attending social gatherings (as capacity allows), surrounding myself with genuinely supportive people, keeping my environment orderly and beautiful, feeding my curiosity, learning new things, and engaging in creative outlets.
And then there's a deeper, more personal layer: self-compassion.
Self-compassion calls us to a profound level of kindness, an unconditional love for ourselves that goes far beyond surface practices.
My Personal Self-Compassion Practices:
🔅 Gentleness - Softening expectations of myself and forgiving imperfections.
🔅 Loving Inner Dialogue - Speaking to myself with words of encouragement and appreciation.
🔅 Acknowledging My Journey - Recognizing and honoring all that I’ve overcome.
🔅 Listening Deeply - Asking myself what I need — and truly listening to the answer.
🔅 Respecting My Body’s Wisdom - Noticing signals about people, environments, or activities that are nourishing versus depleting.
🔅 Owning My Truth - Being honest about my needs and expressing them, even when it's hard.
🔅 Rewiring Negative Patterns - Catching negative self-talk and self-criticism, and offering myself grace instead of more judgment.
🔅 Remembering My Worth - Trusting that I have value, purpose, and a place in this world, regardless of my circumstances.
🔅 Releasing Guilt and Shame - Letting go of guilt for tending to my own well-being, and releasing shame in all forms.
Self-compassion may be the harder skill to cultivate, especially if it hasn’t been a strong part of our inner landscape. It asks us to listen more deeply, love more unconditionally, and stand firm in our inherent worthiness.
In my experience, self-care without self-compassion can feel like placing a bandage on a much deeper wound.
Without compassionate tending, our unhealed parts may continue to manifest as shame, guilt, anger, or despair.
For those of us who’ve experienced bullying, trauma, or violation of any kind, the practice of turning inward with love is not just beneficial — it is essential.
It brings hidden wounds into the light where they can finally heal.
As you develop your own rituals of care and compassion, I hope you’ll remember this:
You are worthy of your own devotion.
The relationship you cultivate with yourself is the foundation for everything else.
And as compassion overflows within you, you will naturally send it out into the world — in healthy, life-affirming ways.
May you offer yourself gentleness, patience, forgiveness, and a softening of expectations.
May you offer yourself genuine appreciation for everything you’ve survived, created, and become.
May you always remember that compassion, once offered inward, is never wasted — it multiplies.
Much love,
Julie 💜
Chronic pain Self-Care Self-Compassion Self-Love Inner Wisdom Personal Transformation