7 ways to put more kindness into the world (and Into Your Own LIfe)
I’m pretty sure there’s something that you and I would easily agree on: it can feel a little bleak out there these days.
Turn on the news for five minutes, and there's a decent chance you'll want to crawl under a rock. War. Division. Economic uncertainty. Another tragedy. Another reason to worry about what comes next. And that's before we add whatever might be happening in our own lives.
It's easy to feel powerless in the face of it all. We often ask ourselves What am I supposed to do about any of this?
Probably not as much as we'd like.
But that isn't the same as nothing.
Most of us aren't in a position to solve the world's biggest problems. We can't make someone well, take away another person's grief, settle every disagreement, or magically alter the course of global events. But we do have some influence over the little piece of the world we occupy. A kind word. A little extra patience. Making someone's day easier. Noticing something good and actually saying it out loud.
None of these things will fix what's wrong with the world.
But they matter.
Think about a time when someone said exactly the right thing to you on a difficult day. They may not even remember saying it, but you remember it vividly. You might remember it for many years to come. That’s powerful. That’s exactly the kind of thing we can invest some energy into spreading around.
So here are seven small things we can do to put a little more kindness into the world. Nothing that requires a lot of money, energy, or time. Just ordinary things within our sphere of influence in the most ordinary of moments.
But there's a catch.
For every kindness on this list that you offer someone else, I'm going to ask you to offer a version of it to yourself, too.
Why? Because I’m starting to believe more and more that every small kindness we extend into the world has a counterpart we can offer ourselves. What’s interesting is that sometimes doing that feels much harder for a lot of people.
1. Say the kind thing
Have you ever noticed something you liked about someone and simply kept going about your day?
Maybe it's the cashier's fun earrings. Someone's fabulous purple glasses. A stranger wearing a T-shirt that makes you laugh.
Say it.
Tell someone you like her jewelry. Send the text you've thought about sending three times. Tell your friend what you admire about him instead of assuming he already knows. Tell someone you're glad you ran into them today.
We think kind things about people all the time, but they don’t always make it out of our heads. It costs us nothing to let one escape and land in ears that might very well need to hear it.
And then, turn it around: What have you said to yourself today? What tone did you use?
I don’t mean what you’ve said out loud. I'm talking about that running internal commentary when you forget something, don't accomplish what you intended to, say something awkward, drop the same thing twice, or discover at four o'clock that you've gotten almost nothing done.
Would you say the same thing to the cashier whose earrings you just complimented? If not, try saying something else instead.
2. Give someone the benefit of the doubt
We’ve all been there: Someone is driving twenty miles an hour in front of you. A friend hasn't answered your message. The person checking you out seems distracted. Someone cancels plans at the last minute. Again.
It's funny how easy it is to fill in the missing parts of other people's stories.
But maybe the driver is lost. Maybe your friend is overwhelmed. Maybe the distracted cashier was up all night with a sick child. Maybe the person who canceled desperately wanted to come and simply couldn't manage it.
We don't know.
Every person we encounter has survived things we know nothing about. There are losses, illnesses, disappointments, frightening moments, private battles, and entire chapters of people's lives that will never be visible to us while we're standing behind them in line at the grocery store.
Sometimes remembering that makes a little more room for grace.
And once again, we're going to turn it around: You’ve survived things, too.
Things you weren't sure you could handle. Days you couldn't imagine getting through. Maybe circumstances you never would have chosen and certainly wouldn't want to endure again.
And yet, here you are.
Here’s a note I posted recently on Substack about this very thing:
You can subscribe to my Substack account to get these newsletters delivered right to your inbox the moment they’re published!
I think remembering what we've already made it through can help us offer a little more patience with ourselves today.
3. Make something a little easier for someone
Sometimes the most profound kindness looks incredibly simple.
Holding the door open for the next person. Letting someone merge in front of you. Returning the shopping cart that's wandering around the parking lot on its own. Bringing someone a cup of coffee while you're getting one for yourself. Taking care of that one little task no one really wants to do.
None of these things is going to make the evening news. (That's sort of the point.)
There are countless opportunities in an ordinary day to make something just a little easier for another person. We don't necessarily know whether that person is having a perfectly lovely Tuesday or barely holding it together. Either way, we've lightened their load just a bit, and sometimes that little bit makes all the difference.
Now for the other half: What could you do to make things a little easier for yourself today?
This one can be tricky, especially if we’re not accustomed to doing that for ourselves very often.
Maybe you order dinner in instead of making it. Cancel something that really doesn't need to happen today. Sit down for a break before you've finished everything. Ask someone for help. Buy the pre-cut vegetables.
Sometimes we make things harder for ourselves simply because we've decided we're supposed to earn the nice things. We’ve become convinced that if it’s easy, it’s… indulgent.
But what if easier were actually allowed? What if it were perfectly fine to choose that without needing a reason?
4. Let someone know you noticed their effort
Think of this one as a cousin to #1, but with a little twist. This time, we're not simply saying something kind. We're noticing someone's effort, care, or contribution and making a point of acknowledging it.
When someone does a wonderful job washing the car, tell them. If someone goes out of their way to help you, let them know you noticed the extra effort. Send a note to someone whose work meant something to you. Tell your friend how much you loved the dinner she made and that you appreciate the time she spent making it.
It can be surprisingly meaningful to hear, I noticed what you did.
And then — you know what's coming by now — turn it around: What have you done well lately?
Have you taken a moment to notice your own efforts? Is that something you could allow yourself to do a bit more often?
Maybe you handled a recent difficult conversation better than you would have a year ago. Maybe you got through a rough week when you weren’t sure you would. Maybe you made the one phone call you've been avoiding. Maybe you rested when you needed to instead of pushing yourself past your limit.
Can you let something you did well simply be… something you did well?
5. Give someone your attention
We spend a lot of time around other people without always giving them our full attention. There always seems to be something competing for it.
So try something a little different. Listen to the story that the lady on the bus is telling you. Put the phone down for a few minutes and engage with your family. Ask the second and third question instead of stopping after “How are you?” Notice the person who has gone quiet and draw them into the conversation. Look at someone when they're talking to you.
These days, we need all the reminders we can get that being genuinely seen by another person can mean more than we realize.
And yes, I'm going to make you turn this one around, too: When was the last time you gave that kind of attention to yourself?
Not analyzing or criticizing yourself for every little thing. Not mentally reviewing your list of everything you need to get done before you’ve had your first coffee.
Just… noticing.
How am I doing today? What do I need?
And not just on the surface level. Go deeper and get curious.
Maybe you're tired instead of bored. Or perhaps you’re lonely. Overstimulated. Hurting. Restless. Maybe you need quiet. Maybe you've had quite enough quiet and need the company of another human being. You might need food, movement, rest, laughter, or twenty minutes when nobody needs anything from you.
You don't necessarily have to “fix” whatever it is that you find when you check in with yourself. Sometimes just paying attention is the kindness we need most.
6. Let something go
Not everything deserves the amount of energy we're tempted to give it.
The irritating comment someone made three days ago. The text message that rubbed you the wrong way. The disagreement you keep replaying in your head even though you've already thought of seventeen better things you could have said.
Sometimes we can just… let it go.
Of course, that doesn't mean ignoring something genuinely important, pretending we weren't hurt, or allowing people to treat us badly. Some things absolutely do deserve our energy, and we shouldn’t give those a pass.
But some things don't.
We get to decide that the thing that bothered us this morning isn't worth another twenty minutes of our day. We can let someone else have the last word. We can decide we don't need to correct every misinterpretation, win every argument, or resolve everything that annoys us.
Then it’s time for our now familiar task: What could you let yourself off the hook for?
Something you didn't finish? A conversation you wish you'd handled differently? The day that didn't go according to plan? Something you forgot? The fact that you simply weren't at your best?
Maybe you've already learned whatever there was to learn from it. Maybe continuing to punish yourself isn't accomplishing anything.
Maybe this one thing can simply be allowed to go.
7. Add one small good thing to the world
There are probably thousands of ways to do this.
Put flowers on the table. Send someone the ridiculous cat video that made you laugh. Make something. Feed the birds. Pick up the piece of trash someone else dropped. Leave a generous review for a small business you love. Call someone who's been on your mind. Bake the cookies and share them. Tell somebody you love them.
Create one tiny pocket of goodness that wasn't there before.
It doesn't have to solve anything. It doesn't have to be profound. Nobody has to even know you did it.
It just has to add something good.
And for the last time, we're going to turn it around: What small good thing could you add to your own day?
Put on the music you love. Sit outside with your coffee. Buy yourself the flowers. Read something just because you enjoy it. Watch the birds you've been feeding each day. Make something badly and have a ton of fun doing it.
Don’t wait until you've already accomplished enough or you feel you’ve earned it.
Don’t put it off until life gives you “enough free time.”
Do it because you live in this world, too.
In the end, none of these things is especially grand. In fact, most of them probably seem almost too insignificant to matter.
But small things have a way of adding up. One kind word can alter the course of someone's afternoon. One moment of patience can make a difficult conversation just a little bit easier. And sometimes the kindness we offer one person travels farther than we'll ever know.
We may not be able to change everything that's happening in this world. But we aren't quite as powerless as it seems, either.
As you try some of these, notice something else: Which direction is easier for you? Is it easier to offer patience, encouragement, grace, and kindness to someone else — or to yourself? Maybe whichever direction feels harder is the one that deserves a little more of your time and attention.
Now go do something good. You never know where it might lead.
A quick book update: A Regular Person’s Guide to Living with Chronic Pain is getting very close to publication. I’ll have more details to share soon about when and where it will be available. After all this time, it’s pretty exciting to be this close.
With you on the journey,
Julie 💜