On Exhaustion, Self-Imposed Demands, and Learning When to Stop
I gotta say, I'm beat. And I bet I'm not the only one.
For the last two and a half years, I’ve been writing, re-writing, editing, revising, and publishing a book, and as wonderful as that is, it’s taken the wind out of my sails.
It’s not just the book. It’s all the things demanding my constant energy and attention. The daily Substack notes. The weekly articles. Keeping track of finances. Home and car repairs. Endless technical issues with book covers. Managing medical conditions. You get the picture. It’s not that there’s just one overwhelming thing. It’s the sheer accumulation of everything.
Don’t get me wrong – there’s a lot to be thankful for, and I know to count my blessings. But man, I can feel the effects of trying to hold this little ship together.
I’m pretty good at managing my time and resources, and I always have been. But even when I try harder, some days I feel like I can’t keep up. It’s a pretty common scenario that many other efficient, responsible people can relate to.
As time goes on, I’m starting to realize maybe it’s not that we’re incapable, and it’s not that we need a new strategy. Instead, we probably just need less to manage. After all, we’re not really supposed to carry it all on our shoulders. For millennia, people have lived and worked together, sharing all kinds of responsibilities and lending a hand, as well as wisdom and insight. But nowadays, most of us live in tiny, insular worlds, each bearing the full weight of daily life.
I don’t pretend to have all the answers, but I do have a question swirling around in my mind: What if, instead of trying to do everything, we spent a little time figuring out what we could stop doing?
Sure, modern life expects a lot from us. It’s hard to imagine slowing down or letting something slide for even a day. Still, even if it feels impossible, there must be something we can set down, even for a while. Personally, I think taking some time to figure out what that could be is worth it. It could be just what we need to help us take things down a notch or two.
Just off the top of my head, I can picture what that might look like for me. It might mean leaving some things unfinished, or deciding something is good enough rather than perfect. (Okay, so I’m the first to admit that as a classic Type-A personality, the thought of that makes me cringe. But clearly, something needs to give.) It could also be taking the easier route to solving a problem instead of creating another unwelcome task to worry about.
Here's a recent example: I have two vacuums for my tri-level house, one heftier one for the lower two floors and a lighter one for upstairs. Having both is a godsend, and it keeps me from lugging the bigger one up and down the stairs more than necessary. Yesterday, I discovered that the bigger one has a damaged cord, making it unsafe to use.
Naturally, I took it upon myself to Google how to fix it, what it would cost, where the nearest vacuum repair shop is (it’s not close), and how many steps it would take from start to finish to repair this thing. Mind you, I’ve had this vacuum for 13 years, and it owes me nothing. After spending roughly an hour investigating and mentally mapping out what it would take to resolve this, I came to a conclusion. Rather than spending both energy and money having it repaired, I decided to replace it with a new one. It felt like a relief to know it was taken care of instead of lingering on my to-do list for days or even weeks. Besides, replacing it was cheaper than repairing it.
This choice went against my usual instincts, but I couldn’t see investing more of myself in something when a simpler alternative was available. And going with that option did make my day a little easier. It’s a glimpse into what it’s like to preserve an already overworked mind for what truly matters.
Of course, it's not always that simple. Getting rid of an unwanted task is one thing, but what about the things we actually want to do?
That's where it gets a little more complicated for me. I genuinely enjoy having projects to work on. I love writing, creating, learning new things, and having something meaningful to put my energy into. And while I like putting my feet up as much as the next person, I'm not particularly good at being idle.
Which brings me back to the book. It’s almost there: one paperback version is done and published, and the eBook is too, but I still have the hardcovers and another format to wrap up. While the biggest part of this journey is behind me, there are a few final, lingering details occupying space in my head.
A friend asked me recently what I’ll do next, once it’s all said and done. I had to stop and think a moment before answering, because the truth is, I've been pushing toward the finish line for so long that I don't really know what will happen when I reach it. Will I feel relief? Will I finally feel able to rest, or will I immediately feel the impulse to dive into the next “fun” project? It’s anybody’s guess. I have plenty of ideas waiting in the wings, but it would be nice to think I can let myself appreciate the task I’ve just completed before diving into something else. Whatever it is I take on next, I hope it will be something far less taxing and far easier to manage.
Having a fun, creative project is great, and there’s not much to complain about there. But raise your hand if you can relate to turning something enjoyable into something we have to do. You know, that obsessive I've got to get this last thing done before I stop tonight feeling. It’s not the project that’s the issue. It’s knowing when to stop. Knowing when we’ve reached our limit, and knowing when something is truly done.
For those of us who enjoy being productive, it can be especially hard to recognize the difference between wanting something meaningful to do and feeling uncomfortable when we’re not doing something. (Ouch, right?) That’s where some of the unnecessary pressure comes from, and I am certainly guilty of that. But unlike many other demands in life, that’s something we might actually have a say in. It’s also possible for projects and rest to coexist, and I, for one, need to keep that in mind more often.
And it's not just the big things that deserve our attention. Sometimes we can lighten our load in less obvious ways, too, including the routines and decisions that are part of everyday life. These might seem like tiny things, but if we think about them long enough, we can see how they add up, creating more complexity than we might realize. Maybe we choose a haircut that takes only five minutes of our time in the mornings. Perhaps we prepare our meals in advance so the next day goes a little more smoothly. We could even let something on our to-do list carry over to another day, without punishing ourselves for it.
I got a new haircut last week, and it’s already making a difference. It’s shorter, peppier, and it takes next to nothing to style. I feel lighter and unburdened, and that’s exactly how I want to feel about all kinds of other things, too.
One less thing to fuss with in the morning!
I suppose that’s what’s leading me to a new commitment to myself, and I hope you’ll join me in this: I propose that we seek out ways to make our lives easier, in whatever ways we can. We don't necessarily need to abandon our ambitions or responsibilities. But perhaps we can examine all that we're carrying and decide whether all of it really needs our attention right now.
We can let some things remain unfinished. And we can let some things be finished. We don't need to keep improving things that are already working, or find ways to maintain a pace that might be unreasonable in the first place.
And we certainly don't need to free up energy just so we can accomplish more.
Maybe we just need to stop demanding quite so much of ourselves.
If you're feeling overwhelmed by everything demanding your attention, one of my digital guides may offer a little support in finding your footing again.
With you on the journey,
Julie 🍃