the harder part of receiving kindness
We’ve all been told it’s better to give than receive, and for many of us, it’s certainly easier.
Over the past couple of weeks, I've found myself on the receiving end of an extraordinary amount of encouragement. Some of it came from familiar places, some from complete strangers. Unexpected generosity. New connections. Small but genuine and meaningful reminders that people really do want to help one another.
I couldn’t have needed it more. Just a short time earlier, I was feeling discouraged. I'd been pouring an enormous amount of time and heart into my work without much sign that it was reaching people. Like so many creators, I couldn't help wondering whether I was simply shouting into the void.
Then, within a span of a few days, something began to turn around.
One comment on a Substack post led to another. A new connection turned into several more. People I'd never met began encouraging my work, introducing me to others, and reminding me that there are still corners of the internet where generosity outweighs competition. For the first time, that feeling of purpose and community I’d been searching for came into view.
Around the same time, kindness appeared in other unexpected places too. A surprise gift from a beloved friend, straight from the heart. A phone call from a new acquaintance that filled me with awe and admiration.
I almost didn’t know what to make of it. I almost didn’t know what to do with all of this kindness and appreciation. I kept asking myself, “Was this really happening?”
I re-read the heartfelt comments. I went back over the inspiring messages from those new connections. I held the gift in my hands again. I checked the metrics online. I remembered the phone conversation. It was all right there in front of me. I had concrete evidence that others saw something of value in me, yet I still had to fight the urge to dismiss it.
I recognized an internal struggle in accepting all of these things. Something within me kept saying, “No, it’s not supposed to work that way.” Instead of simply feeling grateful, I found myself resisting it. Questioning it. Looking for reasons it couldn't possibly be true.
After all, I’m doing this work to help others. To make some kind of sense out of a life change that ripped the floor from underneath my feet. To give it meaning, a way to turn it into some kind of contribution to those going through something similar. And if anything I offered helped someone out there feeling alone in their experience, that’s what mattered most.
I figured that would be enough. Enough redemption and enough of a way to say, “After all of that, I’m still here.” I wasn’t prepared to get anything more out of it than that. I wasn’t prepared for learning how to receive.
What my initial response showed me is something I’ve wrestled with for a long time: I often find it easier to believe in someone else’s worth than my own. I can forget to show myself the same kindness I so freely offer to others. Like many of us, I sometimes need someone to remind me that I do deserve to be valued. That I need to stop short-changing myself. That perhaps there is still more ahead — for me.
It made me wonder: Why is it that we have such a hard time accepting kindness when it comes to us? Why are we so quick to reject our own value? Why is it that we struggle and resist when someone holds a mirror before us so we can finally see what they’ve seen all along? What makes it so difficult to receive without thinking of all the reasons why we shouldn’t?
I’m not sure I have the answers. Maybe there aren’t any. We could say that it’s conditioning, a tendency toward self-sacrifice, or simply a matter of self-esteem. Perhaps that’s part of it. Perhaps it’s just that we stop expecting very much from life after one too many disappointments.
Even now, I’m still trying to process all this goodness coming my way. Sure, I’ve experienced kindness in my life before, but this feels different in ways I can’t explain. Maybe it’s the synchronicity of it all. The surprise of it. It’s almost like having a light switch suddenly turned on after spending too long in a dark room. One needs a little time to adjust to it, is all.
What I’m starting to see is this: It can be difficult to receive what we spend so much of our lives trying to give away. Maybe other people besides me have had moments when they’ve borrowed someone else’s belief in them until they could learn to believe it themselves.
Here’s something else I believe is true: When people choose generosity, encouragement, and openness, those things can ripple outward in unexpected ways.
So yes, I’ve had more engagement lately, and I’ve seen a rise in numbers. I won’t try to convince you, or myself, that I’m not thrilled about that. But it’s the kindness that’s giving me the shot in the arm. It’s the invitation to learn how to embrace what I’m being shown and given without the impulse to tell myself I’m not worth it.
What started it all was a comment on a post about encouraging others. I don’t think that’s a coincidence at all. We already know that it takes so little to make someone’s day, and that doesn’t cost a cent to tell someone you appreciate what they bring to the table. But it’s the learning to receive it graciously that allows generosity to complete its journey. That’s the part I’ll keep working on.
With you on the journey,
Julie 🌺